Being in the last sem..i am having so much mized feelings...especially on my future..where to work?will the pay be good?will i be staying with my dear so that i can have more time with him?should i take my professional papers??so many questions..yet no certain answers to any...damn sien...

 

althou im just taking 4 subjects..im hating my last sem..i dunno why...i just wan a peaceful and quiet life...but no!!!!!!!!!....why the heck did i get involve to be the leader for the AIS subject?n since when?if i din do so much n for this or that company...i wouldnt feel so stress now..wat the FUCK la..got 11 ppl in the group..but i feel like im doing everything...i dunwan to present!i dunwan to do the slide!feddup!everything me....why???!!!fck u all!!!..........argfhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

haih...even my bestie who promised me to burn the pics bout the hliday we had together in kuching is nt answering my call!..wtf...sumthing worng..i even bought all the cds d la...haih...its nt i expect u to find me to giv me the cd..i find u la..ish.........geram...

 

why do i alwis get this kind of unfair treatment!!....

 

another fren also gila..dunwan to celeb her 23rd bday..we plan everything to giv her a suprise..manatau..early morning around 7am!!....got sms nonstop from frens telling me the thing tak jadi n how...sien...n damn!~..why alwis ask me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

haih...anyway..last week...still manage to take sum pics to sumbat in the year book..at least there was sum happy things that happen... i need some emotional help!

 

 

Haih....why din i ever heard from someone telling me that exam are hassle free or dun worry, wont masuk in juding who the hell u r?why??????????????????????????????????????????????...........

 

just fin 3 exam papers in 3 days straight...tot of aiming one paper tat i hope wil help me...but....haih...

 

reli pray kau kau that i can pass all the subject..even better to score it...dun care watever ppl say or do...mayb im correct rite?

 

just hope for the best...

 

p/s: hope everything faster end so that i can go holiday with my dear in cameron!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       

 

 

       

             

               evon & me

 

 

 

 

 Pretty sue & me

 

 

 

 KamPachi - Arigato gozaimasu!

 

 

 

 

 

 he he he..i like ths pic..* me lookie slimer*..heheheh

 

 

 sumone i dun like is here....

 

 

 aik! sue an to hit me!!tolong~~~!              

 

 

  beat alwis act cute! siao po! kekeke

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last saturday, i think me and my frens did a great job...hehe...though things was kind last minute..but..im glad everything turn out fine thou sum things werent so smooth...just that..i was shaking like mad b4 i talk on stage!!!!

 

gosh...but im so relief that that over...another one to go this wednesday nite...hopefully it will be ok...drama n non stop blaing there...just hope i dont bore ppl la...

 

but the best part is alwis photo taking after presentation!yeah!

 

 the "flowers" prayed to Xiao Huang!hohoo....May u rest in Peace...

 

 

 

 Me..The Executive Look.."Cool la!!"

 

 

                       *serious*                                  *omg!what had we got Dr Uche to do la??*

 

 

 

 

 finally us...cheers to us! woo hoo!!!

its been a long time since i have updated my blog...all the while its been lots of sorrow and sadness,..whenever im updating this blog, it shall alwis be crying....so my dissapperance for sum time means good rite...means that im happy..

 

i hav been reli patient lately...learning how to undertand my partner..learning how to understand myself...

 

im learning very hard to accept ppl's weaknesses and learn others' advantages..will i be a better person that way??

 

i feel that sumtimes its so unfair to be in the real world where there are so much things to think about and many decisions to make..can sumone help me to make me think lesser??

 

now the time to struggle for studies has arrived...but at the same time..im often pressured by my appreance...by my weight especially..why do i easily get offended when i sort of get the hint that they r talking about me? please la...if u wan to say that im oversize, just say so la..when im being kind to u, why do u need to stab me right in front? wtf did i do to u la?? IM AD FEELING DAMN BAD WHEN I LOOK AT HOT MODELS POSING THEIR SENSUAL BODIES ONLINE LA!! IDIOTS!!

 

mayb thats y there is the saying "IGNORANCE IS THE BLISS"....i shud learn to accept it..n most of all..learn to change!!

 

diet diet here i come!! PLEASE SUPPORT ME TO ACHIEVE MY IDEAL WEIGHT!! THANKS!!

 

I'M STILL GLAD THAT UR ALWIS THERE REGARDLESS OF HOW I LOOK..THX!

im feeling much better now..after muchcrying..talking n counselling to u makes me feels better..whenever u go..it really feels like a precious item that i cant live without has just taken away from me...i miss u a lot...thanks for everythng...im reli happy to be with u....the little things that u do are the one that makes me glow and smile everytime when i think of u...i love you darling..hope that uwill have a better future and all your dreams will come true...im alwis here for u..waiting and supporting u patiently...

why does it hurt so much when th eperson you cares just never seem to bother? why does it even hurt even more when u realize that ur patner has never done anything for u?

 

peole often say that understanding between patners are essential to make the relationship better and last longer...but wat if it might actually be a one-sided love? or wat if theother person keeps hurting u all over again and again until ur just so restless and clueless....

 

making ur partner worry everyday seems like a rountine isit? oh..its so fucking hell la...why dont i just leave this damn pain down and let go..im just so sick of crying everyday...im so stupidly being sad here alone while u dun even bother bout wat i think...maybe u will say that its my fault for not being understanding...so be it...i dunno wat to do anymore....

 

i just give up.....

at times when im feeling so down, i just cant understand why u can act so cold towards me? sumtimes i reli wonder why dont u ever try to take the time to really know me, try to understand me, n be int he position of how i would reli feel..i do admit i do have my mistakes, my faults, my wrongdoings to you..but when im back on my senses..u never seem to bother n never seem to bother to try harder to make me feel good...why do i alwis cry?why?i want to be happy..i wan to smile and say proudly that i still love u so deeply..each time when im being heartbroken by u,i kept asking myself is it really worth it to stay by ur side?is it really real that u actually care bout me?or u have been pity at me for all this time bcos of ur own atitiude that seems so useless and u just feel its ur responsibility...i just wan to feel appreciated...

 

do u know how jealous i feel when i walk in the shopping complex seeing other couples so happily together holding hands side-by-side?how envy i feel that their bf is there n wondering why r u not here with me..do you know how lonely i am when im walking alone whenever ur not beside me?n how lonely i feel when u left me alone after each fight?do u know i jealous i felt when i saw ur bro n his gf so lovingly cooking in the kitchen?i kept thinking bout u...what have u done for me?with me?to me?where did the happy moments of mine all gone?why do i hate u so much now!why!!!!!!!!!!

 

should we love and forgive to carry on?or should we just let go and start a new life without each other?

 

mayb its me...that i still cant accept your lifestlye, your attitude that just keep silence....i realize that i still dont know u well enuf...or i should say...i realize that i no longer know you...i really dun understand you as the same position of you not knowing me....

 

what am i suppose to do now?

why does it hurt so much when u expect ur luv one to understand u at the moment u really want sumone to care...just a few words that hits on to ur patner..n he just shuts up n swallows it all..he will just say yes ur right...nthg else to say..no comment..why cant u say sthg to make me feel more confident that it is right to be with u?all i need is sum sense of security from u...most of all..all the time..u know that i am far away from u..but cant u understand how my lonely heart feels? the tension behind the smiling face?how much i worry bout us?bout u????

 

mayb its time for me to really think bout it..to think whether i deserve to continue this relationship with u...mayb we wud be better off without each other....

15 DAYS OF CHINESE NEW YEAR HAS PASSED..PLANNING TO CELEBRATE THE WONDERFUL EVENT OF CHAP GOH MEH BUT ENDING UP DOING NOTHING AT HOME...WELL...MOST OF THE TIME WATCHING DRAMAS...WNET TO THE TEMPLE FOR THE MAN CHEONG PRAYERS THOU...IT WAS STHG UN EXPECTED I WUD SAY..THE MASTER TOLD ME EXACTLY EVERYTHING BOUT ME..ONE THING HE SAID HE ASK ME TO PROMISED HIM TO BE PATIENT...NOT TO GET ANGRY..HOW ON EARTH HE KNOW LA??SO WEIRD!!!BUT THEN...THE TRUTH IS HE WAS RIGHT...I CAN GETG ANGRY FOR THE SMALLEST THING ON EARTH ESPECIALLY WHEN IT WS CAUSED BY MY DEAREST BF CHAN KOK FEI....MAYB I RELI GOTTA TO COOL DOWN N LEARN HOW TO CONTROL MY ANGER....HE EVEN KNEW THAT I TRIED TO DIET BUT TAK JADI!!OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....RELI HAVE TO BE KUAI D LO...

 

HEHE....WAT I AM MOST CONCERN OF IS MY DARLING..HAVING PROBLEMS FINANCIALLY...BEING SO CLUELESS..BEING SO AIMLESS...MAKING ME MORE WORRIED...RELI DEEP DOWN I HOPE THAT HE WUD FIND STHG THAT HE LUVS TO DO..START TO MAKE PLANS FOR THE FUTURE...N NOT TO WORRY BOUT THE RELATIONSHIP...I HOPE THAT HE WILL BE SUCCESFUL SO THAT I DUN HAVE TO LIE TO MY PARENTS....GOSH...THE TENSION...THE PRESSURE....BUTI CANT THINK OF LEAVING HIM COS I LUV HIM OS MUCH, SO DEEPLY THAT I WAN TO HELP HIM GO THRU THIS HARDSHIP UNTIL EVERYTHING IS OVER..I RELI N SINCERELY PRAY THAT HE DOES KNOW HOW SERIOUS THE PROBLEM IS...HOW CONCERNED I AM..N HOW HE SHUD NOT LET GO OF ANYTHING...BE STRONG MY DEAR..I HATE TO SEE U DEPENDING ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT..IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SEE U SUFFER LIKE THAT...

 

 

a week in my darling's house, i gain a few lgs n excess baggage in my body!!teruk!!...christmas was sweet..new year was cousy...a day b4 my darling sent me to melaka seems so short but was really fun and enjoyable..just two days has passed for my final exam..im getting pimples popping all over my face due to sleeping terribly late in the morning n waking up super early in the morning..thank god its all gonna be over by tmr!!happy!!.....cant wait for my cheaing trop!!chant wait to see my darling!!..i miss him already althou it has ben a few days without him..cham..too used to his presence...btw..my new year resolution for 2007 is to lose 10 kg by next jun!!it must bve achieved..hopefully..aha

 

wish me all the best ya...n i hope my love story will continue to gro with many happy chapters..n my academis esult cont to improved to first class...haha..asking too much lao..btw darling..i miss u a lot n i luv u..(if ur reading this)hehe...

xmas is along the way..many things to do..exams is also along the way..including zhong qiu jie..so many events..so many people to be concern of..suprises suprises...is there anyting i can expect n hope for this holiday season??im reli wishing for something special...even thou the pecentage is so skmall..but i reli wish it cud cum true..how nice if i cud spend the full holidays wf u oni..it wud mean the world to me...hope u like wat im getting for u

again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!why la......i gave so many chances to u!!!!!!!!!!!!!ALL U NEED TO DO WAS TO INFORM ME..AN SMS WUD DO JUST FINE...BUT U DIDNT..U MADE ME WAIT LIKE A FOOL...I NEVER ASK A LOT FROM U...JUST WANTED A BIT MORE CONCERN...EVEN IF IM NOT AS IMPORTANT AS U THINK I SHUD BE IN UR LFE..PLEASE RESPECT ME AS A HUMAN...IM SURE U WUDNT KEEP OTERS WAITING LIKE TAT...NOW IM STILL SO CLUEELESS..DUNNO WATS THE REASON FOR ME TO FORGIVE YOU...I WAS SO ANGRY..SO ANGRY TAT I FELT IWASNT IMPORTANT AT ALL...I FEEL TAT I HAVE ALWIS PUT UR WELFARE ON PRIORITY..BUT WHY DUN I FEEL THE SAME FROM U??I KNOW U HAVE MANY RESPONSBILITES..BUT I JUST NEED U TO THINK BOUT ME TOO...BE A BIT MORE CONCERN BOUT ME..FEELS LIKE MAYB THE MAIN REASON WE STARTED JUST BECOS U FELT PITY OF ME...U KEEP REMINDING ME BOUT NOT BEING READY TOWARDS THIS RELATIONSHIP..IF U STILL FEEL THAT IM NOT THE ONE WORTH FOR U TO SPEND UR TIME AND EFFORT FOR ANYTHING..THEN I THINK WE SHUD JUST STOP HERE..I DUN WAN TO FEEL SO BAD..LKIKE IMBEGGING ON MY KNEES TO ASK U TO LUV ME...I DUNNO WHY I CUD FEEL LIKE THIS...BUT IF I DIDNT LUV YOU STILL..I WUDNT HAVE PICK UP UR CALL...IM JUST TOO SAD NOW...WHY DOES THIS ALWIS HAPPEN TO ME???ARE U PLAYING WF ME???IS IT BCOS IM NOT GOOD ENUF FOR U TO REALLY LOVE ME??U DUN EVEN BOTHER TO LEARN BOUT ME..WHY???IM SO SCARE NOW..... :'(

 

 

 

gonna finish my mditerm exam soon..but as days pass by without u...it feels very stressful honestly...i miss u a lot...im reli sorry when i complain and compare a lot to u..but i cant help it...u cant do anything muchtogethe wf me unlike last time when ur wif sumone else...is this sum knd of stupid test?wy must it be me?? each time when i confront to u, u will be so smart to defend and protect urself only in a way that it hurts me so bad...thats y i feel so sad...u alwis say things to make me cry esp when u say its ok for me tha i shud look for sumone else..why??does that mean u dun luv me enuf??not enuf that ur willing to let go of me??dont i matter to u at all???i just wan to be by ur side bcos i luv u so much..hope that we can start again...im praying each day that we can still remain together, loving each other and understand one another...ur my support that i can hold on to...without u...i have nothing left hope that we can make it..hope that i can make it....

sumtimes when i sit alone in the dark...i would alwis wonder...so many things about us...even worst when u talk so badly about urself and when ur not confident bout urself..i feel so bad....im worried bout u..bout ur future regardless whether im there or not...i love you so much..althou im young..but im mature in mind..i know wat i want n iknow wat to do..each passing day i would alwis wonder wat will my parents think..will they accept us....i reli hope so..i cant bear to tink of losing you now..i feel so close to you..althou most of the time ur alwis 27/7 bz wtih ur work..but im trying hard to undertand too...and althou u might neglect me and have no time for me at times and cant be there for me...i know one day things will change and be better for u..i pray everyday for u to have a better chance in life ..i just wish i cud hold u in my arms to hudg u and kiss u everyday...to tell u that im here for u alwis...i just wan honesty...im ere to be the one you can alwis trust and rely on...i wont leave you unless u aks me to..........our relationship and the road that we r taking is hard..but i believe that we can make it....together~!.....miss u alwis...

here i am ...avent bah also althou its almost 9pm...going for the dumb cameron trip not bcos i wanted too..b8t bcos i have too...haih...its gonna be a tiring yet a headache journey..i dun like it..i dun like the road..i cant take it..cant tahan....i bopught so many sour plum cos i know im gonna vomit along the way...

 

haih..i rather spend my time with u drling or even with my family...i miss u guys so much..i wanna go home!~~